James 4:7

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

When I started to believe in God, I also became aware of the devil. Before, I never quite got the hang of demons and evil spirits but now I'm pretty certain they exist as well.

And they are speaking to me... Every day.

One time, they said to me "Don't exaggerate! We only come out to play when you least expect it." And another time they said "Why are these people praying for you? There is nothing wrong with you." I do not read the bible anymore because I much rather go to sleep. The devil is strongest when I am in church. It makes me roll my eyes when people are speaking in tongues and especially when someone says anything along the lines of "God loves every one of us".

I would much rather doodle during Alpha than pay attention. When asked for comments about the truth I'd say "I think Jesus is cool but I don't care to find out if he is really God."

I hate to say this but I kind of revel in the Devil's interest in keeping me as his pet. But my brain is telling me that I need help to drive it away. To this end, I am seeking your thoughts and prayers to help save me. Thank you, my friends!

xx

Psalm 37:3-7

Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Dear Mister God, I pray that you will bless Luca's girlfriend, who is very poorly right now. May his love for her be true and everlasting. I also pray that when she wakes from this dream, she'll acknowledge your grace and give you thanks. Also, please help me stay away and not get in his way. Please grant me strength and wisdom, Mister God. Thank you. Amen.

Hebrews 6:4-6

“For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, if they fall away, to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God, and put Him to an open shame.”

Dear Mister God, I used to make fun of you, laugh at Jesus and even challenge you to show yourself to me. I spat at your words and wasn't afraid to blasphemize about it. I led an eventful life making decisions on my own (most of which were wrong) and coping with consequences of my actions. When things went wrong, I blamed you for not keeping the order but when things went smoothly, I never said "thank you". I would tell Christians I believed in you just to silence them from sharing your word with me. I didn't like you very much and I didn't care much about the people who did either. But still you waited for me. And finally I'm here before you, humbled and forgiven. The same words that used to make me scoff are filling my empty heart with meaning and purpose. The holy spirit inspired me with words and these very words changed my heart. The more words I heard, the more revelations I had. Mister God, your works in my life came through your words. You are my Lord and my Christ; I am overwhelmed by Your Majesty. You became the centre of my world.

However, even though I am filled with love for you, there are days I would still ignore you and reject your grace. There are times I wish I could go back to my old self and lead a careless life. There have been thoughts of breaking you down with non-believers' theories. There were moments in church where I would feel like calling it a mad house. When I felt the holy spirit, I have discounted it as a chill from the air-conditioning or embarrassment from being there. But when I am alone, I would think about you and love you all over again as if nothing was wrong. I thought if I didn't speak out, you won't ever have to know the truth.

Until this passage.

After I've read it, one thing became clear: Mister God, you have died for me once and yet everyday, through my own fears and doubts- my disobedience- I (me! not the Jews nor the Romans but ME, the same one you love so dearly) strip you off your dignity and expose you to public humiliation then nail you to the cross and watch you die, over and over again. Why do I do that? I'm no better than a perverse tyrant and a murderer.

Sorry, Mister God. :(